


he would not fall

by verus_caelum



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: 5x07, F/M, Introspection, Lucifer POV, Season 5A, Vulnerability, self-actualization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26846368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verus_caelum/pseuds/verus_caelum
Summary: For the first time in all his existence, the Devil was vulnerable. Weak. Powerless. And yet, that didn’t quite describe how he felt around Chloe. Instead of a wave of powerlessness, he felt something else. A new feeling. One he had only let himself feel once before...Empowered.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	he would not fall

**Author's Note:**

> Some balcony thoughts that could be happening at the end of 5x07, just before Dan arrives. Lucifer thinks about how he chooses to be vulnerable around Chloe and considers the implications of that - perhaps the thoughts leading up to his newfound invulnerability around her. Touches on the vulnerability aspect as well as empowerment, including parallels and quotes back to other seasons.

Never before had he felt so powerless than he had earlier that night. Chloe was in danger, right in front of his very eyes – and he could not do a single thing. He could not warn her. Protect her. Save her. After returning to Hell to protect humanity – to protect her – he would lose her just like that. After thousands of years, after coming this far together – it would all be gone. She was his everything, his entire universe – what would be left if she were gone? Never again, he decided. Out of his immeasurable existence, no one had ever made him feel the way Chloe had – the way he was able to be so unfathomably honest with her. He did not lie – this was true. But, he also didn’t tell the whole truth. And nor did he show it. He always had a mask to fall back on, whether it be the arrogant playboy or the merciless Devil. Though, she was different.

From the beginning, she had never fallen for his “charms”. Had never bought into his act or his carefree façade. When they had first started working together and she barely knew him, she still _knew_ him better than anyone had bothered to before. Long before he showed her his “true” face, she had seen him. And that had really been all he had wanted – to be _seen_...

Not as the rebellious son…  
_“It’s time I fully accept how everyone else sees me – the rebel.”_

Not as the Devil…  
_“The other side of me, it’s bad – monstrous, even.”_

But as him. No masks, no acts. Guards down, defenses dropped.

For the first time in all his existence, the Devil was vulnerable. Weak. Powerless. And yet, that didn’t quite describe how he felt around Chloe. Instead of a wave of powerlessness, he felt something else. A new feeling. One he had only let himself feel once before. 

_“The Detective and I – sorry, Chloe and I – are real… I’ve got this overwhelming sensation, I can’t even describe it, but I feel… invincible.”_

Empowered. 

_“So, none of it – none of it was real?”_

Fallen angel or no, nothing compared to how he had fallen that night. Yet, he came back... And so did she. After _seeing_ him. Not just his outward appearance – angelic or devilish regardless – but _him_. Past the mask, past the façade, she just saw him – in a way he had never been seen before. She allowed herself to be vulnerable around him, and so did he.

_“It appears you make me vulnerable, too.”_

He allowed himself to be vulnerable, to be weaker around her.

_“I don’t fully understand why, but I’m only vulnerable when I’m close to you.”_

Though was it really a weakness if she had empowered him in a way he had never felt before? After being immortal for all of existence, never once had he felt invincible in the way Chloe – the one person he was mortal around - had made him feel. 

_“You’re finally getting in touch with your emotions. Letting your barriers down.”_

And he had done just that – dropped his guard, let down his defenses. He could be himself around her – not Samael, not the Devil – just him. He had let her in, let her see him for who he truly was, in a way he had never done before. He had laid his soul bare to her, vulnerable and exposed.

If all this time he chose to be vulnerable around her…

_“I can let my guard down with you. I don’t do that with anyone else. You make me vulnerable - and maybe that’s okay.”_

Then maybe that’s okay. Maybe it was possible for him to let her in – so wholly, so completely. And if he could let her in, and she in turn accepted him on a level he hadn’t even himself – why would that be a weakness? Chloe had strengthened him in ways he hadn’t imagined. So why not be as invincible as she made him feel?

_“Being vulnerable can be a good thing.”  
“No, it can’t! It means you’re at someone else’s mercy!”_

After eons of keeping himself guarded, not willing to show any hint of weakness, of vulnerability – Chloe had changed all of that. He was willing to let someone in. And she was willing to see him for who he was, and not just something to desire. Dropping his defenses, the armor he has been building ever so carefully over thousands of years…

_“I think I may have dropped my guard.”_

…allowed him to be open in a way like never before – knowing he could easily be left broken in return.

_“I have every faith in the Detective.”_

He knew this could end as it had before. Having faith had never worked out for him. He had taken a leap of faith once, and it had ultimately resulted in his own Fall. That’s just how things were. How they would always be. Though, he knew that wasn’t quite true. He believed in Chloe with every fiber of his being, knew she would always be there for him – the Devil. Who _could_ have faith in him – knowing who he was? And yet, she had made it quite clear how much she believed in him – had always believed in him, even if she hadn’t always _believed_ him. 

_“I know that’s who you think you are, but I don’t see you that way.”_

_“Chloe, I am the Devil.”  
“No, you’re not - not to me.”_

How many times had he sacrificed himself for her? 

_“And I would do it again. And again. Don’t you know that, Detective?”_

How many times had she sacrificed herself for him?

_“You were willing to sacrifice yourself to save me.”_

No. He was sure of this. She had put her faith in him. And he had put his faith in her - regardless of what could go wrong, what history has tried to prove otherwise. Without a doubt in his mind, he knew. He could take the leap again. But this time, he would not fall.


End file.
